Today I Remembered by Colette Bate
They left me
with your shadow,
saying things like
Life is not fair
& I believed them
for a long time.
But, today
I remembered
the way you laughed
& the heat
of your hand in mine.
& I knew that
life is more fair
than we can
ever imagine
if
we are there to live it.
Brian Andreas
Journaling reads:
Valentine's Day. Roses. Chocolate. Big ticket gifts in pretty little boxes. Cards filled with I Love You's and glittery hearts.
I don't know why I feel more alone on holidays than on other days. Early on in our marriage I learned he wasn't a romantic. He was pragmatic. It seemed silly to him to buy flowers or gifts just because of the date on the calendar. He believed that if you needed something you went and bought it. If you wanted something you went and bought it. He said he didn't need the excuse of a holiday or birthday or anniversary to give a gift. And, I learned to accept it.
I miss him every day of the year, but I do miss him more on the holidays and those special days. I don't miss the gifts. I miss the little things. I miss the way he could make me laugh, like no others can. I miss those moments when he would stand behind me, his arms around my waist, and nuzzle my neck. I miss the security that came with his success, his integrity, his brilliance. I miss how he smelled. But, I'm learning to accept it.
13 comments:
WOW. Thank you for sharing such emotional and heartfelt journaling with us!
Oh, Colette, I don't even know what to say. Such a beautiful, heart wrenching page. Can I just send you a hug instead?
This page brought tears to my eyes. I e-mailed Colette and told her how very moving this page is to me.
this is truly stunning !
Colette,
I am always in ahh with your work but this page just takes my breath away!
Dang girl...you just rocked my world with this one...beautiful, truly beautiful. ;)
*speechless*
K, my page is so not on the same level as this but I hate to miss out on a challenge!
http://33musingsandthensome.blogspot.com/
colette, i know exactly how you feel. you said it so well! thanks for sharing this.
I am trying to write this post with tears swelling in my eyes. What a beautiful page, but the journaling really got me. So winderful that Colette could share this with all of us. It makes me want to go home after work and REALLY hug my daughters.
beautiful page...WOW on the journaling.
oh my goodness, how can I say thank you so that you know I really mean it?
Journaling about Craig is sometimes fun and easy ... sometimes not. And, the line between sharing my memories of him and sounding depressed or morbid is a fine one. On this page I just wrote my true feelings. Your warm and heartfelt comments let me know that I got the balance right this time. And, that means the world to me.
Oh ... and did I remember to say 'thank you'?
Hugs!
OMG Colette. This is stunning. I love the colours and the journaling is soooo beautiful. I just don't know what comment I could make that would do justice to this page.
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