Stefanie's challenge 66.

How can two “only children” actually be sisters?

Answer: when their parents get married.

I look at this photo of you, and I am filled with a longing that we were sisters in reality. Truth be told, we never got on well when we were together. I was older and should have been wiser, (my 12 years to your 6) however all I saw was that you had what I wanted, a relationship with my Father. I never knew that they compared you with me, never knew that I set such a high academic standard that you could never match up to, never knew you felt somehow inferior to me. From my side, I felt that it didn’t matter how well I performed, I could never be enough because somehow deep inside of me I was flawed. I thought there was something wrong with who I was instead of what I did or didn’t do. But I also felt that I could never reach that unattainable goal, every time I got remotely close the goal posts would be moved just out of reach again.

Now we are continents apart, separated by a language barrier that is even wider than the physical distance between us. But still I wish that I was a better sister to you, that I was there for you when you went through your breakup, followed by your miscarriage. I wish that we could have conversations about life, both the struggles and joys, about eternal life and the gift of salvation; I wish that my children could play with their cousin.

I am sorry for the years I wasted, it sounds so trite to say that I was jealous of you because I never wanted to swop my life in South Africa with my Mom for one in Germany with my father and your mother. I have discovered that my heavenly Father loves me unconditionally and accepts me just as I am. That He saw the things that were done to me and that it was never part of His plan for my life. So please forgive me for the many ways I was a part of the hurts and disappointments in your life. Forgive me for saying I am an only child when actually we are sisters by design if not by blood.

I love you,