We have had various “talks” already, the one about pimples, pubic hair and periods. Now I want to share with you the things to look for in a good husband. I didn’t have many things on my list.
1. I wanted a man who would be taller than me ( that included being stronger than me, not only physically but someone that I could look up to and respect)
2. He had to have blue eyes (I know that seems fickle now but it was very important to me back then, coming from a family with brown eyes I wanted to add some blue eyed genes into the family gene pool)
3. He had to have a good sense of humour (he would need it to put up with me at times)
4. A bonus point was awarded for having a British passport (that was also more important in those days as you could travel to more countries than SA citizens.)
I want you to take note of the things your Father does for me. He brings me flowers on special days, like my birthday and anniversaries. He remembers what we were doing on this day 10 years ago as well as on this date umpteen years ago. He loves to tell stories and reminisce, giving value to me and our joint history together.
He opens the car door for me; he helps me when I ask him, knowing that I need help right then, when I asked, not next week. If I could do it myself I would have sorted it out myself. If he is there I allow him to rescue me (and you) from spiders, even though he only puts them into the spider relocation programme, I am totally capable of killing my own arachnids and other bugs but I allow him to protect me and rescue me. Choose a man that makes you feel protected and safe. Choose a man that your family approve of, generally they are not looking through rose tinted glasses and they see how he treats you and if he is good enough for you.
He is generous and would give me the last shirt on his back if I wanted it. Choose a man who has a good work ethic, you need a man who prioritises his family and earns enough to support you so that you can stay at home and be a housewife if you want to.
Your Dad makes me tea in bed, or water or coffee or whatever my beverage of choice is that day. He goes the extra mile for me. He hands me the remote when I want to watch something, knowing that his news channels and finance updates will still be there when I am done.
He asks for my input when he needs to make a decision, especially if it will affect me or you children. He ways everything and then decides what is best. He allows me to disagree – sometimes loudly without EVER raising his hands or voice to me. That one is a deal breaker my girl, if a man ever shouts at you or raises his hand to smack you, walk away – you’re worth so much more. He needs to treasure you and value you even when you’re wrong.
He lets me wear my pj’s when I need to be comfortable and warm and cosy, even if he would prefer me to be dressed a little smarter and more femininely. He tells me I look great, even when my hair is mussed and I feel like cat sick. He has learnt not to mention the word fat ~ not at all now.
He takes the time to thanks me, even the little things like supper, a cup of tea or collecting something for him. Little words of encouragement sprinkled liberally throughout my day. He phones every day to see how my day is going and what I am doing and how the children are. He loves you children and is very involved in the intricacies of your everyday lives. He may not remember that you don’t like avo, but he will buy the pizza and then take off the avo bits out of love for you.
He goes shopping and will pop something into the trolley because it was a good price. We have tried various new brands to see if they’re any good. He will just get what is on his list so if you want a choccie, add it onto the list, he isn’t a mind reader. He tries his best in his own way.
Find a man who will change dirty nappies, pick up cat hurl and has a strong stomach with bad smells – he is probably going to need it when you have children.
He speaks well about me behind my back, even my quirks and foibles. It is never funny when a man derides you for being different, making female somehow “less than” male. You can’t be mean and then say “only joking” as an escape card. Not funny, not joking, not acceptable.
By all means choose someone who you have chemistry with, but he must be a good friend to you too. The one you run to when you have good news to share, the one who gives his shoulder (and clean tissues) when you have a need to cry. Someone who understands you and thinks you’re wonderful just the way you are.
As you get older now, and spend more time away from home and my immediate control, choose wisely who you spend your time with and what you do. God made us to fall in love with a man that we spend time with, it happens and sooner than I may be ready for. Think of your Father and choose well, like I did.
Thanks also to my friend, Mel who wrote a similar letter to her daughters that served as a jumping off point for me.
Thanks to Meredith Cardall Designs - 9th and bloom for the template Layered up, volume 1 and the kit - bushels of love.