Title: Wish you were here
There are certain things I wish I could remember about my grandma Worden, like her voice, the way it felt when she hugged me, the way her face looked when she smiled. She passed away just after I turned six, and I knew when it happened how different my life would be. There are still many times in my life, 24 years later, when I feel the full impact of her absence and wonder how things would be if she were still here. I wish Ethan and CJ could know her and love her like I did. But I know she is watching from Heaven, even now, and more than anything else, I hope I have made her proud.
It wasn't until 19 years after Grandma's death that Grandpa joined her, and I felt his loss to my core. I was only a few months pregnant with Ethan at the time, and although we knew the cancer would take him soon, I found my hopes crushed that he would never meet his first great grandson. It was a terrible time following his death, and I still have a difficult time accepting it, more than five years later. I miss seeing him at coffee hour at Theo & Staci's. I miss his teasing smile and sense of humour. I miss his guidance and wisdom that saw me through the troubling times in my life.
There are so many things I would say to them if I could talk to them just one more time. I'd make sure to tell them both how much I love them and that they both had a huge impact on my life. I'd introduce them to the great grandsons they never got to meet. I'd introduce Grandma to Jason and show her that I still use many of the skills she taught me -- cooking, crochet, and growing the perfect rose.
They may both be gone, for now, and I know that wishing them back won't bring them back here. I know that they are alive, if only in my heart and that I will see them again in Heaven. But I can still dream and imagine feeling their arms around me right now.