Thursday, 22 April 2010

Melissa's challenge 78.


Title: Wish you were here
Journaling: 
There are certain things I wish I could remember about my grandma Worden, like her voice, the way it felt when she hugged me, the way her face looked when she smiled. She passed away just after I turned six, and I knew when it happened how different my life would be. There are still many times in my life, 24 years later, when I feel the full impact of her absence and wonder how things would be if she were still here. I wish Ethan and CJ could know her and love her like I did. But I know she is watching from Heaven, even now, and more than anything else, I hope I have made her proud.
It wasn't until 19 years after Grandma's death that Grandpa joined her, and I felt his loss to my core. I was only a few months pregnant with Ethan at the time, and although we knew the cancer would take him soon, I found my hopes crushed that he would never meet his first great grandson. It was a terrible time following his death, and I still have a difficult time accepting it, more than five years later. I miss seeing him at coffee hour at Theo & Staci's. I miss his teasing smile and sense of humour. I miss his guidance and wisdom that saw me through the troubling times in my life. 
There are so many things I would say to them if I could talk to them just one more time. I'd make sure to tell them both how much I love them and that they both had a huge impact on my life. I'd introduce them to the great grandsons they never got to meet. I'd introduce Grandma to Jason and show her that I still use many of the skills she taught me -- cooking, crochet, and growing the perfect rose. 
They may both be gone, for now, and I know that wishing them back won't bring them back here. I know that they are alive, if only in my heart and that I will see them again in Heaven. But I can still dream and imagine feeling their arms around me right now.
4.18.10


3 comments:

Darlene Servolini said...

WOW!! beautifully written. gave me goosebumps throughout! :)

La grande cupcake said...

So moving! WOW!

Tracy said...

Melissa, I am so glad you had such a special relationship with your grandparents ... it is indeed one that can never be replaced and that intense loss you feel is deep ...

But I can see how grateful you are for at least having known them and that they were an integral part of your life ... and that alone is worth more than words can say ...

TFS ...

Love, Tracy