Stefanie's challenge 84.

Shrek: Ogres are like onions. 
Donkey: They stink? 
Shrek: Yes. No. 
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry. 
Shrek: No. 
Donkey: Oh, you leave ‘em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. 
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. 
[sighs] Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. 

I love this quote about onion layers. It comes from Shrek 2001. My friendship circle is a lot like an onion in that there are layers. Only a few very trusted souls make it to the inner sanctum. These are the people I can be me with, I can be the real me, no masks and they accept me 100% as I am. As a child in Primary School I often thought that if so and so knew me, really knew the real me hiding behind this facade they wouldn’t like me. Yes I have issues, yes I have baggage, yes I pretend to be whole and that I have it all together. I have grown up a little since school days and now know that there are friends that will see past my aloof exterior, my choleric temperament. These few have earned my trust, they have earned the right to call me at 2am, to ask me HUGE favours and tell me when I am wrong. They know the path I have walked and they don’t judge me. They walk alongside me and listen to my heart even when the words come out all wrong. So I know that I can’t be all bad.

Others think they are close friends and speak words that wound me. They don’t speak out of love, yet I feel judged, measured and found wanting. These people will never make it near my heart as I have to protect myself from them. I will watch what I say and think before sharing too much. I have learnt that not everyone is safe and trustworthy.

I am a fiercely loyal friend, kind and caring. However I won’t tolerate hypocrisy, people who say one thing, smilingly, to your face and something else behind your back. Nothing will get you bumped faster to the outer rim, the onion skin. I will forgive you, but forgetting? Probably not. You see I have protective mechanisms that swing into place with the solidness of a safe door, I have had to learn these things in order to survive.

I have been betrayed before and why would I tell you something that you could use as ammunition against me later? Better to be less that transparent, and safe. I feel that I accept people as they are. Quirks and foibles, things that others’ may not understand nor be as accepting of. Who am I to judge? Not knowing the path that you have travelled, nor the pitfalls you have fought.

My layers can be flexible, people moving nearer the core or further out as we spend time together and apart. Some friends I see every few months or years but the time spent apart fades when we kuier together again. Quality time is my love language. I am good at one on ones and terrible in a whole group, even if I know everyone, so much worse if I don’t. I really suck at small talk. Some can bubble and light up a room, making everyone feel uplifted and entertained. Me, not so much.

My close friends are immeasurably important to me.

You’ll know if you’re in there, near to my heart.

You know how much you mean to me, I would have told you.

I would have shown you by the little things I do to help, to bless.

I would have given you gifts, something small, probably not even beautifully wrapped, but something that tells you when I saw it I thought of you.

My friendship circle is like an onion, it has layers.