journalingjunkie: Intentional

I was inspired by Forever joy.

Let's face it: there are many things I want to change for the better in my life. And though I consider myself a very practical Martha - I read blogs and am so inspired to get organised, lose weight and choose joy…to live in the moment, to go with the flow and accept everyone all the time. etc etc.
Hmmm. Did I just mention I am sceptical, cynical and practical?

My word for last year was delight and I started off well, but really maybe I am just too Eyeore/melancholic to be delighted by the curveballs and unexpected crap I contend with. Make no mistake I live the ideal life (apparently) but often I focus on the 10% less than instead of the prevailing actually great parts of the day.

So this year’s word,
in•ten•tion•al [in-ten-shuh-nl] adjective
~done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult.

Is similar to the previous years: 2011 = delight, 2010 = focus, 2009 = balance
ie all a reminder to stop and choose.
Intend to act, rather than a knee-jerk reflexive react, intend to look for delight in the everyday mundane. Intend to take in the details through all the senses.

For me to set goals (ie lose weight and get appointed to a digi shop design team and to have a LO accepted and printed by Creating Keepsakes.) To actively work towards those goals, to go to gym or to choose, intentionally to have that piece of cheesecake and latte with a friend rather than decide the diet is trashed and stop working on the food that I ingest.

To lighten up.
To stop and enjoy the moment or object that I am giving my attention to.
It's easier when it's a good moment.
When kids are getting along, enjoying one another’s company, when the cheesecake simply melts in my mouth and the latte is at my right hand to wash every last delectably delightful mouthful down with.
When all the things on my to do list are done.
The appointments made, supper planned etc.
To savour that moment after everyone else has left the building and I am truly alone at home.
To cuddle a cat, feeling those purring vibrations that give me more endorphins than a visit to the gym.

Then, there are the other 10% of the moments.
Like "there’s cat kotch on the carpet again”.
Or the shriek/scream of the inevitable strong-willed siblings bickering and taunting one another while I am cooking supper.
My world wobbles and like Pavlov’s dogs I react and add my shrill tones into the mix. How in the world do I “delight” in this?
Let me tell you that the glass of water wants to be thrown, half-filled or empty! At BOTH of them, if not all three…although really I’d need a full glass for that, especially if they are moving targets.

Truth is ~ I don’t enjoy my children.
There I said it. I love them, but like them? Only really one at a time or when they’re being cherubic and all sleeping in their beds.
Most of the time I enjoy their company, probably at least 95% of the time, (if you take the full 24 hours of the day, including the hours thaye’re at school and sleeping) but THAT screeching 5% of the time unbalances my world and I let it unbalance me.

But now I want to step back, take a breath and see the perspective that this is just a few moments in today and not the end of the world/family/my sanity.
I can't make everyone in the house happy all the time.
Besides being impossible, I can’t make them choose correctly, they have to learn that it's not sunshine and roses all the time- that we take strain with life’s pressures and then all seem to take those less stellar emotions out in frustration on one another.

They are going to be bored, stressed, anxious, scared, and yes, just plain otherwise, sometimes. Balls will drop, but hopefully they will be the rubber and plastic ones and not the delicate crystal ones.
This too shall pass.
I guess it's a matter of redefining what constitutes a "problem" and then removing all the inevitable little road bumps of the day out of that grouping.
They are not problems, per se, they are just part of the ebb and flow of the day.

A day I will intentionally enjoy each morning and a day I will thank God for each night. Because at the end of the day I am married to a wonderful man and have been for the past 23 years.
At the end of the day I have 2 children in heaven I will be re-united with one day because I know like I know that I will go to heaven because Jesus died for me too. At the end of the day I have three hale and hearty children with their own unique personalities and great qualities.
At the end of the day I live in Cape Town, South Africa one of the best places in the world.
At the end of the day I have a gorgeous home that reflects us filled with beautiful treasures collected on our travels.
At the end of the day the four cats we have bless me with their purrs and affection.
At the end of the day I am blessed, very richly blessed.